Philosophical Love

 12:30:20 Wednesday
RPPSVpoetry

It's been a while since I've written about philosophy. Metaphorical concepts of a topic and all of the things that I feel as though revolve around this one topic/subject. I'll tell you now, it's been a hard pill for me to swallow. To reach a somewhat peace of mind and clarity due to all of this anxiety that's been overflowing my mind with mental obstacles and challenges that I'm still working on. I will succeed. I will overcome all of these things that hold me back from my own happiness.

This is my philosophy; My philosophy about love. The concept and idea of love have been overruled and overplayed by modern music and modern demonstrations built upon the silver screen. Displayed by labels of fairy tales and fables. And so with time, it has been forgotten about. Over the years, with endless writings and a number of journals that I've lost over time, it's all I've ever written about. It's all I write about today.
Whether it's about heartbreak, losing friends who I considered to be siblings, and the loved ones who are now resting above the clouds.

Love. Loaded with a weight that weighs a ton, weighing us down and tearing us apart. Yet it somehow builds us back up, putting together the missing pieces, molding it back into a somewhat wholesome thing. With each moment that our heart shatters, it reignites a part of us that we've forgotten about due to the heartache and the post-traumatic stresses we had to endure in order to bring ourselves to our current condition. A bit unstable, frail, vulnerable, and insecure. 

I honestly believe that it's better to hear and learn how to accept the bitterest of truths rather than hearing and pretending to accept the sweetest of lies. We live a majority of our lives tied up and tangled in a web spun from the lies that everyone else around us tries to trap us in. It feels like an eternity, pretending that we're in this make-believe story made up of fictitious stories, words thrown into other people's ears, the rumors spread like wildfire, and now we're burning on the inside from all of the scars and bruises. And so we're no longer accustomed to hearing someone's genuine honesty. 

The truth now seems like it's an eternal lie. And the lies feel like they're filled with all of our hopes and dreams. They used to say that Love will save us all. Love is supposed to be selfless, filled with no lust or temptations. It flows naturally like an ever-flowing stream of water. Balanced, uneven yet stable all at the same time. There is no right or wrong. There is no bad or good. Because without darkness, there is no light. And with no light, all we'll ever see is a world filled with darkness. That darkness consumes us, and then we'll no longer want to wake up from the reality of things.

The reality that we need to get up, face the music, face forward, and step back into the light that's always been there within our hearts and souls. That's the thing though. Being human means that we'll always be filled with an endless amount of alluring flaws. Flaws some of us deny and reject because it makes us feel less pretty or unworthy of this heavily weighted thing we call Love. Flaws that have turned into coping mechanisms/habits that we grow into, transforming us into these incomplete versions of ourselves. And so we grow and we become this mirror reflection of what feels like us but doesn't ever look like us. We may see a face, facial features, but now we feel as if we're required by law to cover it all up. We break out, we mask it all away. We mask it all away only to wipe it all off at the end of the day.

One life; one not-so-wholesome life to live it all out and discover what love truly feels like. Unconditional, no cover-ups, no lustful thoughts, no chick-flick romance written from a book, and no sweet lies. Having the ability to reciprocate, talk without anger, resurface with peaceful and thoughtful kindness. Calming the storms, patiently waiting until your significant other has come back down to earth. One life, and one true love. We'll never know when or how, but we'll know because that individual will fulfill all that we've ever needed to be filled. Not as one, but as a team of two. A two-way street.

Love has never and will never be a one-way street. And to love ourselves, we must first learn how to accept all that we are even when we're at our lowest. We find our rock, we find our solitude, we find peace, and we hug all of the things that make us feel as if we're destructive and all we'll ever do is cause chaos to those around us. We let go of the blame. We let go of the habits we've picked up. And sometimes, especially as human beings, we'll forget about these things. We are not and will never be "perfect." Once we've begun this process of acceptance and we begin to realize that the progress and transition into loving ourselves is quite a simple task, then we'll learn and realize just easy it is to truly love someone else. 

Love is not magic. It's not magical. It's nearly a miracle. It's not some fairy tale filled with the one true love's kiss. All of the things we've heard and have seen online are make-believe. It's materialized from the materialistic things fabricated into what seems to be the truth, but it's not. It's more than the images and photographs we scroll through and like whenever we're on social media. It's more than the surprise engagement videos and the viral views popping off on YouTube. So now love is corrupted. Love itself has become materialistic and overused. Abused by the system and the scripts written out in Hollywood films.

We will fall out of love, lose interest, and we'll learn how to get back up. But that's entirely up to us. We make the decision if we're going to stay trapped forever in this pandora's box we've trapped ourselves in, or we break free from this accursed world and we live life the way we see fit. If we are to heal and if we allow ourselves to heal, then Love will come to us. It'll walk into our crossed arms, opening them up, and then caressing us with a touch unfamiliar to our broken souls tormented from the things that have made us suffer.
We must accept that we've already gone through hellfire, we've crawled and we've scraped our way back up. But the past DOES not define us. We're not a figment of someone else's imagination. We're not a creation made by some wannabe Doctor Frankenstein. 

We just aren't. We aren't the what if's that terrify us from the endless possibilities of finding someone who will truly and genuinely care and love us for all that we already are. Incomplete, flawed, a little bit torn, and a little bit unwell. Unstable, shaken, traumatized, but still healing. Still learning. One person's actions should not define all that we are based upon how that person treated us. We let that go. Just as we let go of the past that we've burned, allowing the ashes to blow away into the breeze that is ever-changing. Our souls too can heal and change so that we can grow into a more formidable and stronger individual, allowing ourselves to love again. 

Love doesn't just come and then now all we're expecting is for it to stay. Love knows no boundaries, it knows no restraints. Love shouldn't hold us back. Love entices us and scares away the fear of being let go. It shatters the chains, and it slowly frees us from the agonizing pain. One day, I believe that true love, TRUE love will set us free. Without ever having to say it or prove it, but to endlessly show it through our actions and our words.

Back it all up with the things that you do in life. No need to prove to anyone that what you do is done with pure intention. You just do it naturally and then the individual you're now beginning to love will respond by proper reciprocation. Even if that love isn't known yet, the love will grow. The love will transform you into the lovely things that you already are. All that you've always been. Love teaches us that it's not the idea of loving someone but truly loving and loving them for the entirety of their soul and how they continue to grow. With and alongside you. Even when they're absent and at work, the love never dies or fades. There is no doubt in the back of your mind that tells you that one day you'll end up losing or letting go of this person.

One life, one too many failed attempts to love the ones who never loved us back. One life filled with one too many flaws. One life that has been filled with this materialistic idea of that one true love. One life with one too many scars. One life filled with one too many broken jars. You hold it all in and then someone starts to break down all of your walls. And now you're back in that corner of darkness. Too afraid of the light. Too afraid of warmth and comfort. 

And maybe one day that person will just show up. All of the doubts and insecurities will fade away and disintegrate. There's always a maybe. There's always a chance. A positive outlook on life, to believe and to expect that the opportunity will come. And when it does, we shouldn't be afraid. We should just walk into it. Comfortably. Safely. Slowly. And I personally think that that's the most challenging part. Accepting a reality that we're not accustomed to. Something that makes us uneasy because we've always been so unsure. So used to being alone and living through such a lonesome life. 

We never expected someone to respond. We never adjusted to someone actually listening. We always expect and assume that everyone's the same. That we all do the same things and that no one ever learns because we spent an entire lifetime always adjusting and adapting and learning real quick that no one ever stays. So then we're the ones who end up having to be the one that walks away. Because we taught ourselves early on that love never stays. And so now it's become a habit of ours. 

We refrain from using the word. We tread carefully with those around us, putting our walls back up, pretending that we're not in love with our favorite songs. How much we love a certain aroma or a feeling that possesses us whenever we're filled with joy and happiness. We deny it because we're not pretending like everyone else. "It's not really there." But maybe it is. Maybe not literally but metaphorically. Maybe not literally but figuratively. We can love the things we enjoy being around and enjoy hearing or seeing. It's okay to love the taste of coffee in the early morning. It's okay to love the melody of a single song that we could listen to all day. It's okay to love the security of a tight, snug hug from a friend you haven't seen in a long while. 

Is there a physical force of gravity that pulls us in when we're in love? A gravitational field that draws us in each and every time we're around someone we love being with. Their company, their laugh, the joy that they bring us. And how we begin to miss them once the day is over. Even when we're a bit upset or we're in a somewhat grayer mood. All we ever do now is think of when we'd see them again. Who says that we aren't allowed to be in love with our friends? Personally, I'd rather love my best friend. I think certain terminologies are overrated and materialistic. Just like the modern-day world. Love should be graceful and formed through a beautiful disaster. 

You cup it into your hands, place it into your tender heart, and you'll always know that it won't fail you or tear you apart. Love will obviously cause you pain. Love will hurt, but love never envies. Love does not boast. Love is not a burden. Love is not a loaded gun where you pull the trigger back and it fires off into the what-ifs and unknown. Love guides us, helps us grow, and helps us build each other back up. Even when we've got broken bones. We learn how to let go of the past and the individual(s) who love us will reveal within us the parts of our souls that rarely show. 

Our hearts will heal and our faces will glow. And one day, someone will love you unconditionally. They'll be all that they are and not someone they pretend to be. No theatrics, no play, no script. Just raw, real, genuine, and honest-to-God true. Because that's what we all truly deserve. And one day, I believe that that's what we'll finally have. Not what we should aimlessly search for because I've been doing that for years.
Recklessly and impatiently rushing into the things that have torn me apart piece by piece. Nowadays, I just sit around. I sit patiently and give away all that I am and what I have always been. 
Someone will find their way to me, and one day I'll finally be free. 
Until then, I'll continue to heal and learn how to love myself for me.