Floating On A Dream
I often dream of a day, where the two of us are sitting down outside of your favorite coffee shop.
Rain trickles down from the cotton candy clouds, the swirling colors of gray and blue.
Our first date. A moment that will be remembered for the rest of our lives.
I often dream that one day, we'll both be ready again, and by some fated destiny,
We'd run into each other; the place where we first met.
Our first dance, our first kiss, the very first time we fell apart and found each other all over again.
How our lives changed in such a drastic way. The teardrops falling down from the corner of your eyes.
I often dream about a moment in time, where "what if's" didn't exist, and we weren't afraid of taking the jump necessary for the two of us to be together.
Instead of our foreheads pressed upon one another's, instead of not kissing, our lips touched, fingers intertwined.
A memory of where we weren't simple strangers, and we chose to be more than just friends.
A moment in time where I would have been able to call you mine.
I often dream of a beautiful stranger who made the decision to take my hands, dancing with me throughout the night.
Her head tilts to the side, ever so slightly, a smile upon her adoring face.
She allows me to wrap my arms around her waist, filling my body with ecstasy.
There is no kiss, just her chest closely pressed against mine.
Our breaths are heavy, the room gets steamy, and then the night simply fades away.
I wake up from this dream, realizing that it is now a new day.
Today, I am once again restless.
The recurring dreams continue to haunt me and my memories.
A memory of a time that no longer exists.
Lovers who have turned into strangers.
Strangers who have turned into lovers.
Friends who have broken the ties and the bonds that have held us so closely, severed and broken by the misconception of what modern love is.
I float upon these dreams with a wrench inside of my chest that twists and turns, as if to make the aching an endless routine.
But maybe it's just me. The things that I have seen.
The emotions that overfill an empty cup.
Reminding me that I love too much.
Too much and too softly.
Too often I have mistaken the guidance of my head and my heart.
Too often have I told someone that I loved them, only to watch them walk away.
How challenging it must have been for me, to endure all that I have endured, just so that my own soul would suffer from the loss of someone I wouldn't spend the rest of my life with.
But when all is said and done, I realize that it was my choice and my choice alone.
Coming back to a place that I could never call home.
The throbbing pain inside of my joints due to having so many broken bones.
A bit too courageous at times, therefore not ever fearing the unknown.
The price that I have paid for this freedom.
The voices inside of my head that have once strayed me from my path that I am meant to pave and walk.
When all they've ever done was lie to me, filled with deception, no actions, all talk.
I float upon a dream where I am filled with glimmer and light.
No more darkness, no more sadness.
But a life without the shadows and the sorrow, is a life without balance.
A life without loss, would mean that I would live a life without love.
I could not thrive upon a life that is filled with lust.
And yet, sometimes I wonder if I should just direct myself with hooking up.
One night, no strings, one moment, with no poetry.
Where she would not be allowed to hear me sing.
Where it's a one time thing.
But then I go back to my recurring dreams.
Of a happy family. A happy home.
A moment in time where we'd grow gray and old.
And we're sitting there, first as strangers, and then as lovers.
A flame that dies out, reignites a flame that'll burn for the rest of our lives.
A foundation built upon commitment, trust, and no compromise.
All truths even when bitter, never once having to feel as if we are required to lie.
Secure and safe.
Heaven on earth.
Together for as long as possible, wrapping each other up in warmth.
Even when it hurts.
I dream about such a thing.
I dream of the day where I'll be up on a stage.
I dream about the day where someone will finally ask me to stay.
But for now, the universe is telling me that I need to go away.
Away from this wretched place.
To a faraway place where no one would recognize my face.
And then maybe... just maybe, I'll finally find peace.
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